so this is love

I have not had dinner at home for nearly a month.  I have consistently brought home full portions of "leftover lunch".  The phone has also not rang in nearly a month.  Anyone would have figured something was up by now.  Today, my mom told me that the soup she made a couple weeks ago was especially for me, because she noticed I was having my period.  I am not sure if she realized it came at the wrong time, but she had always quietly cared for me this way.  Just now, I came into my room after a bath.  She left a bowl of soup on my desk.  It is dinner time.  We both know I will not leave my room, let alone eat.

Tears streamed down my face and wet my dress.  I am still crying after nearly twenty minutes.

I drank my soup before it got cold.  Soon after, she knocked on my door and politely said 'dinner time'.  Both my mom and dad have invited me to dinner, night after night.  They have not given up on me, not angry, not questioning...

I did not expect to be reacting so intensely to this.  I was caught off guard, I am touched, and... a mix of feeling guilty, pitiful, blessed, grateful... I have not cried or felt like this until this year.  And... I don't know who I am crying for.

I know this is religious, but, I love it...

6 super fail

1. Last night I drove Acca home.  We sat in the car with the radio on for so long that I killed the battery.  I had to call roadside assistance at 3:30 in the morning.  Thankfully it was free.
2. This morning I banged the side of my car with the door of the other car...
3. Later I fell hard on the stairs and got a bump on my knee.
4. Just now I remembered that I needed to refill my prescription tonight, ran to the store and the pharmacy had just closed.
5. It's been over a month now I still haven't finished waxing my car.

Wow.

heroes

I like Laura--a lot.  Despite my quietness she continues to call me up for tea, and the conversation is always good.  She is going to Spain for 8 months to teach English...  She is so cool... Not privileged by birth, not particularly highly achieved, but blessed with a good personality.

Savage

The wacked is wicked; the wicked gets whacked.

...indeed.

Someone once said to me that I was wise beyond my years.  I will never be as young or as wise again.  I miss that someone, and I miss me.  So, I listen to Savage Garden.

calamari

I bought calamari for my grandma today. She never had this kind before. She liked it. She ate 2 pieces.

I love my grandma very much.

heartbreak

my grandma said to me, "were you not feeling well yesterday? are you better now? please rest, please take care of your body, ok?"

i teared, i hoped that i am standing far enough that she would not notice. i nodded, then left her room.

i cry alone. mom, please don't worry, don't ask, don't look at me. grandma, i hate for you to see me like this.

i am no good.