A fear is coming over me...

I am thinking about paying for university... The more I ask--without getting answers--and guess, the more I fear my family doesn't have the money to support it. Espcially if I end up going to Waterloo, which is out of town and takes extra years.

Of course I needn't worry about paying for Waterloo now, since as I am waiting for an acceptance I am also waiting for a rejection.

It's just that I'm frustrated and disappointed at how these things are kept from me (also other children I know). I feel unsafe: everytime I spend on any form of luxury I am reminded of the possiblity that I can't afford to. Not knowing sucks.

Yes, there's OSAP. I don't like the idea of owing so much money though, that sucks too. Big time. When is it due anyway? I need it.

If I get into Waterloo Architecture, I'll go. I feel like it'll give me a much better future than Ryerson. Interior designers were never known to make a lot of money, whereas architects tend to be better off. That's right, I want to be rich. Unfortunately I'm not willing to go into act. sci. ;) If I don't get into Waterloo, I'm going to Ryerson and gladly so. The whole money worry would diminish too. Living at home really simplifies things a lot.

I know this is not for me to worry about, the money. But depending on the situation it might eventually become my problem, so I feel every right to be concerned. Anyway, it's not like worrying can solve problems. So, end of discussion.


But speaking of the future I can't help but think of life in general. I was talking to Mo about this just now, and I have this ideal image in my head that I'm looking forward to. It goes something like this:

I'm in my mid 20's (this is werid because it's not far away), at a point when my career is taking off and looking bright, everyone I love is happy, and I've just gotten married in recent months. I'm settled yet youthful, everything's going right and I can take time to enjoy it.. Waking up refreshed and content in the morning, and then going off on my daily routine, coming home... Oh and this 'home' is nice too, comfortable and relatively 'well off'...

How nice is that?! I don't think it will happen, not exactly that way anyway. What it all boils down to is that... I DON'T WANT TO BE A *SPINSTER*! (thank you Acca for the new vocab)

This reminds me of my Ally McBeal days. When it was still running I used to catch it every week, I absolutely loved it. It was limehill (insane) and in its own way sappy, I could actually relate quite well, haha.. Aww, I miss that show. I forgot the character's name.. it was the weird little man who stutters and whistles his nose.. he was my favourite.

I'd hate to be a poor spinster who gets mugged on the street on my 36th birthday.

I got accepted into Ryerson Interior Design!

Wow, my challenge week is OVER! yes, OVER!!! it feels soooo damn good.

1. I got braces! They were way funky at first but its the 5th day I have it on and I'm well adjusted. Now that I can chew almost properly tho, it gets a tad bit irritating to have certain "restrictions" and I can't eat chicken off the bones. I didn't think braces were that weak. Luckily I'm not hooked on gum at all.

2. World Issues ISU is DONE! To my surprise Taylor liked the bulletin board! I hope I get a good mark on it.

3. 2 consecutive days of algeo tests are over, without good results but they're over none the less and I'm glad it's off my shoulders. I must work harder and stop procrastinating.

4. Never before have I complained about Howard's English on here, but yes it is complete garbage. I skipped FOUR DAYS last week. Only one of those days was a legit absence (Afghan Conference, which went very well in my opinion.) Wow, that feels good. I also didn't hand in preliminary ISU notes but screw it nobody cares.

5. Very good day today, did lots of stuff with both family and friends. :)

NEWS: The new 3D ride in Wonderland this year features... SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
I'm so excited... heeheehee. I like Patrick Star, he's a stupid starfish.

There are two tests tomorrow and I must study, after that I shall research for my World Issues ISU. Lots of hard work coming up, I can't wait until its over. Last night I was trying to write an english ISU journal when I freaked out--I realized that I couldn't think or feel anything anymore. I laid down, closed my eyes and felt exactly the same as when I was staring at the screen. It was horrible!!! Closed eyes feeling like opened eyes, that was the most digusting of all. After a little rest and a little nice msn I recovered though. May that never happen again.

Another NEWS: I'm getting my braces on next Wednesday. Yup. I will never be the same again... ... ... Not scared though, it's okay.

Today I skipped. Yep, SKIPPED. Too bad! What did I do? I bought new shoes! You'll see... They're nice but expensive, you'll see. Went to eat viet, it was good. Now I'm almost off for a nice shower and lots of stuff for my face. Congrats, congrats.

There is quite a bit of work ahead of me and I plan to approach it with a semi-oosh attitude. Wish me luck! I've been working moderately so far. Need to pump it up a little more.

Meanwhile, I'm gonna help Jocelyn with her *somebody*'s prom. Hehe, I'm gonna go drop off the things now. Byebye!