A fear is coming over me...

I am thinking about paying for university... The more I ask--without getting answers--and guess, the more I fear my family doesn't have the money to support it. Espcially if I end up going to Waterloo, which is out of town and takes extra years.

Of course I needn't worry about paying for Waterloo now, since as I am waiting for an acceptance I am also waiting for a rejection.

It's just that I'm frustrated and disappointed at how these things are kept from me (also other children I know). I feel unsafe: everytime I spend on any form of luxury I am reminded of the possiblity that I can't afford to. Not knowing sucks.

Yes, there's OSAP. I don't like the idea of owing so much money though, that sucks too. Big time. When is it due anyway? I need it.

If I get into Waterloo Architecture, I'll go. I feel like it'll give me a much better future than Ryerson. Interior designers were never known to make a lot of money, whereas architects tend to be better off. That's right, I want to be rich. Unfortunately I'm not willing to go into act. sci. ;) If I don't get into Waterloo, I'm going to Ryerson and gladly so. The whole money worry would diminish too. Living at home really simplifies things a lot.

I know this is not for me to worry about, the money. But depending on the situation it might eventually become my problem, so I feel every right to be concerned. Anyway, it's not like worrying can solve problems. So, end of discussion.


But speaking of the future I can't help but think of life in general. I was talking to Mo about this just now, and I have this ideal image in my head that I'm looking forward to. It goes something like this:

I'm in my mid 20's (this is werid because it's not far away), at a point when my career is taking off and looking bright, everyone I love is happy, and I've just gotten married in recent months. I'm settled yet youthful, everything's going right and I can take time to enjoy it.. Waking up refreshed and content in the morning, and then going off on my daily routine, coming home... Oh and this 'home' is nice too, comfortable and relatively 'well off'...

How nice is that?! I don't think it will happen, not exactly that way anyway. What it all boils down to is that... I DON'T WANT TO BE A *SPINSTER*! (thank you Acca for the new vocab)

This reminds me of my Ally McBeal days. When it was still running I used to catch it every week, I absolutely loved it. It was limehill (insane) and in its own way sappy, I could actually relate quite well, haha.. Aww, I miss that show. I forgot the character's name.. it was the weird little man who stutters and whistles his nose.. he was my favourite.

I'd hate to be a poor spinster who gets mugged on the street on my 36th birthday.