not eating.
not sleeping.
can't.
24.3.06
18.3.06
sometimes you just suck.
Sometimes I wish that faith and confidence would translate into instant skill building.
For instance, beach volleyball tonight: I was watching people play. I was watching, watching... I could see in my mind how every move will be executed. I was ready. And then the ball came... and then I called -aiya- and then the ball was on the ground.
The same goes for driving and drinking water. But that is probably just me.
Sometimes there is nothing worse than thinking you can do something and then finding out that you can't--I mean, you really can't. Like, the you-suck-so-bad-Hello-Kitty-can-do-it-better type of can't.
But there are worse things in life. Good game my don't-suck friends!
For instance, beach volleyball tonight: I was watching people play. I was watching, watching... I could see in my mind how every move will be executed. I was ready. And then the ball came... and then I called -aiya- and then the ball was on the ground.
The same goes for driving and drinking water. But that is probably just me.
Sometimes there is nothing worse than thinking you can do something and then finding out that you can't--I mean, you really can't. Like, the you-suck-so-bad-Hello-Kitty-can-do-it-better type of can't.
But there are worse things in life. Good game my don't-suck friends!
11.3.06
not a mall bitch
Pointy toed high heeled stilettos are in style, people have been crazy about them for a while and in recent months I've also been converted to a fan. For the longest time I've been embarrassed to admit this but it's really just laughable--It's too bad that my leg is too thick for tall boots. (My aunt used to call me Pig-thigh Yan when I was little.) But all winter I've been trying to find a pair that would fit, and I was mentally ready to settle for an ankle boot.
Today I went on a little shopping trip with friends... and... :)
I found a pair that (1) looked good, but more importantly (2) zipped up, and most importantly, (3) looked good on me! ...! But of course there is a downside to this story. (1) The boot is white. I was looking for black for versatility. (2) I'd have to get the store to stretch it a bit so it would zip up good. In order to do that I have to buy the boots that as is don't fit and then have them stretched. Should I trust this or will they turn out weird? (3) They cost $180. About right for leather boots but... it's bling man.
I might just end up getting them.
Any opinions?
Today I went on a little shopping trip with friends... and... :)
I found a pair that (1) looked good, but more importantly (2) zipped up, and most importantly, (3) looked good on me! ...! But of course there is a downside to this story. (1) The boot is white. I was looking for black for versatility. (2) I'd have to get the store to stretch it a bit so it would zip up good. In order to do that I have to buy the boots that as is don't fit and then have them stretched. Should I trust this or will they turn out weird? (3) They cost $180. About right for leather boots but... it's bling man.
I might just end up getting them.
Any opinions?
2.3.06
birthday
birthday birthday to you
birthday birthday to you
birthday birthday birthday birthday
birthday birthday to you!!!
happy birthday from t.m.y and i :)
birthday birthday to you
birthday birthday birthday birthday
birthday birthday to you!!!
happy birthday from t.m.y and i :)
1.3.06
stuff, and poo on a stick
tomorrow is my friend's birthday and i would really rather not talk about things better off forgotten but i want to get it off my chest.
more and more i am seeing the karma that is coming back to me. much of what i've done to this friend is now happening to me, and probably less harshly so. i can't help but know that i deserve it; and i am understanding why certain decisions were made, even though i wish they could be undone. i've also realized that injustice is a worse feeling than well deserved punishment; in that i take a sort of underserved comfort. Guilt is up there with injustice too... no comfort there, though. all this has been said, hasn't it?
it continues to surprise me how feelings can surface without warning, just when i thought i was beginning to be desensitized. perhaps certain decisions about continued contact should be made? that's what they tell me to do.
why am i blogging right now? because my ex is on his n-th date with his new, legit, acceptable, encourageable, unlike me, etc, love interest. they seem to be doing well. i hope they burn in hell. no, that was a joke. i wish them well, i really do. i can barely stand to say such a thing, and i can barely decide that's the way i think. but i am nice, or try to be, if nothing else.
hopefully, one day, that will be good enough for somebody.
on a much brighter note, a colleague gave me a dilly bar from DQ today! it made me happy. it was a poo on a stick, except it tasted better. not that i know what poo on a stick tastes like.
more and more i am seeing the karma that is coming back to me. much of what i've done to this friend is now happening to me, and probably less harshly so. i can't help but know that i deserve it; and i am understanding why certain decisions were made, even though i wish they could be undone. i've also realized that injustice is a worse feeling than well deserved punishment; in that i take a sort of underserved comfort. Guilt is up there with injustice too... no comfort there, though. all this has been said, hasn't it?
it continues to surprise me how feelings can surface without warning, just when i thought i was beginning to be desensitized. perhaps certain decisions about continued contact should be made? that's what they tell me to do.
why am i blogging right now? because my ex is on his n-th date with his new, legit, acceptable, encourageable, unlike me, etc, love interest. they seem to be doing well. i hope they burn in hell. no, that was a joke. i wish them well, i really do. i can barely stand to say such a thing, and i can barely decide that's the way i think. but i am nice, or try to be, if nothing else.
hopefully, one day, that will be good enough for somebody.
on a much brighter note, a colleague gave me a dilly bar from DQ today! it made me happy. it was a poo on a stick, except it tasted better. not that i know what poo on a stick tastes like.
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