I'm 26!

My dad just came and said happy birthday, at 12:05. I've stepped over to the dark side... RAAAH!

I turned 26 listening to my new found, haven't-been-so-excited-since-With-You-by-Chris-Brown, favourite boy band-y material: PRINCE ROYCE : STAND BY ME. So exciting! I listened to it twice while on the elliptical just now, so good, made me run so fast... WEE! Need to d/l this album...

See, just like I said... I'm going crazy high school style...

I'M 25!!!

A few hours til midnight...

Actually this year, lately, inside... I feel like a teenager. A little restless, a little anxious. Maybe more than a little, but not a lot. I clearly remember being sure that this is the only way to be alive and feel alive. I also remember feeling my heart settle down a little with age, being more comfortable. It's not bad I suppose, to feel what I'm feeling now... a little bit crazy. It is in a morbid way exciting. I can't say I'm as willing to drown in all of this as I used to be, I don't particularly enjoy the turmoil, and don't enjoy that tiny part of me that wants to cry, for reasons beyond my comprehension.

oh no, what if i'm menopausing... XD that's hilarious. No way, I'm not even allowed to eat Cheerios at Target without adult supervision. I'm just... drinking too much...?

easter introspections

lonely long weekend is not going so badly after all. blogging, catching up with a few friends, cooking... next up i need to run some errands, clean house, and work out which i haven't done for an entire month! i think the thing that makes all of this somewhat enjoyable is the weather. my window has been opened for the second day now. it's so nice to smell and hear the air, even if it's just cars and trees. sigh.

something about catching up with friends... i feel a bit strange about unrequited friendships. there are a few people who i'd like to get to know better and keep in touch but they don't really respond with the same enthusiasm. -__- i suppose i have done this to others too, what a bitch... i want more friends!

so i "cooked" yesterday. we got chocolate truffles as a gift and they melted. so i used it to make cappuccino wafers coated with chocolate and hazelnut, with a toothpick so it looks like a popsicle. i might fuck with it some more and drizzle dark chocolate on top. i don't want to eat any of it, but i want to make it interesting looking enough that others will clear it. the whole point is to clear melted choco... right?

it is april. my birthday is coming up. -__- i bet there are still a few people out there who think i'm 12. a lot who think i'm 18. i sort of still feel around 20, but i'm not! oy... matt says i'll feel this way for the next 15 years.

i think about people like laura, she ran off with her bf to be poor and learn a new language, culture... come back and be inspired to do something with her life. many people do that i guess, some with less optimistic results. i look at these people and admire their sense of adventure and courage.

i realize that i'm adventurous too, people think i am, i don't think its common what i have in my life. but, knowing myself as someone who craves adventure... what's next? i took such a safe path to adulthood and now i wonder, what will be the next feat that will prove that i am still chowsie li? there's something unsettling about the lack of direction in my life, did i miss a turn somewhere and now i am bland??? i want adventure, an adventure that takes me somewhere, not adventure like a headless chicken running around or i will end up sitting here again. ...is it time to change my job? time to stop thinking about it and eat lunch.