Actually this year, lately, inside... I feel like a teenager. A little restless, a little anxious. Maybe more than a little, but not a lot. I clearly remember being sure that this is the only way to be alive and feel alive. I also remember feeling my heart settle down a little with age, being more comfortable. It's not bad I suppose, to feel what I'm feeling now... a little bit crazy. It is in a morbid way exciting. I can't say I'm as willing to drown in all of this as I used to be, I don't particularly enjoy the turmoil, and don't enjoy that tiny part of me that wants to cry, for reasons beyond my comprehension.
oh no, what if i'm menopausing... XD that's hilarious. No way, I'm not even allowed to eat Cheerios at Target without adult supervision. I'm just... drinking too much...?
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