Freeeaked out!

So I have this blog right, and in the beginning it was a funny little place for cynical humour. Then time passed and I figured not a lot of people are reading anymore, and, well, I've let it degrade into an outlet of negativity. Really I owe it to myself to try harder. Anyway, then I get this super creepy anonymous comment that basically says I'M WATCHING YOU and omfg I am so freaked out right now, i mean it, f-r-e-a-k-e-d o-u-t. And how strange is it that I am reflecting on something that happened to me right here, it doesn't make sense, except... this is the place I talk about things like this. Whaaaaat... Damn! I feel so, exposed... in a very non-sexy way.

But I suppose it's fine. I'm not unusually cruel here.

Coincidentally I had another twilight zone event today:

My dad was somehow convinced that our watermelon had gone bad, and that it wasn't solid but entirely liquid inside, that if we cut it open the water will burst out all over the kitchen. He says it's happened once before. He looked at us with such intense eyes, I didn't believe him, but he creeped me out. My sister and I examined the watermelon, touched it, moved it around, smelled it, everything... and thought it was fine. So my dad prepares some towels under the watermelon, plastic bags and all, and then cuts it open. TADA! ...n-o-r-m-a-l. Pfft.

dejected

Underacheivers need love too...

nervousness

Been waking up nervous lately. It feels like a lot is missing from my life. A core group of friends, a job and money to do the things I want to do, or just some other purpose. Oh, and a good exercise routine. I want to get in shape. (Plus that shitty convocation is still haunting me a little. Facebook is full of happy beautiful grads. Man that really sucked.)

Not missing a boy though. That is the one thing that's right in my life. I used to wonder how you know when it is right, and the answer kind of came to me in the shower yesterday. I no longer worry about the future, for the first time I look forward to it. Yea, even with everything else that isn't right... isn't that strange and maybe slightly morbid?

Anyway, life is too static right now. I want to be doing something, ideally travelling around the world with friends, or raising a puppy but more realistically starting work.

BIG BIG SIGH. I hate waking up nervous. Procrastination needs to stop. And bike trip needs to start! I'm going craaaaaaaaaaaazy..!

wedding?

Is someone getting married? In the fall? Wow...!

Well, I'm in a position where I'm only allowed to speculate. We were very very close, but we don't talk anymore. Interestingly enough I was thinking about him just yesterday. If my guess is right I am so happy, so happy that I wish I could congratulate them or send a gift, or something. But there's no sense in intruding, it shouldn't even be considered. If my guess is wrong then I guess congrats too, to whoever.

This could be the first time that a wedding announcement (real or not) has moved me. I'm very happy yet speechless. :)

shamless people: update

Recent discovery: When animated he squeals exactly like Fogel/McLovin from Superbad. Holy SHIT! Get out of my house!

shameless people

Some people have no shame. I'm talking about my sister's boyfriend (I just barfed in my mouth a little).

This person insists on showing up every other weekend and mooching off of my family. When he comes we usually eat together. Usually we end up eating out, partly to 'entertain the guest'. And he sleeps over. So who knows how many meals it adds up to. This happens every other week, Regularly! Does he ever try to pay, even for himself? No. When we have a barbeque and people are in the kitchen prepping, does he offer to help? No. We had father's day dinner tonight and guess who we had to get an extra seat for? He has no business joining us for a family event like that. And it wasn't even my family that paid for the dinner.

So he comes over, takes up space and makes me uncomfortable in my own home. Consumes our resources, which by the way are dangerously low, and doesn't offer to pay for anything or to help. Even if you're white you should know better.

At this point I don't even want to think about the original objections I had against this person. Immoral conduct--hooking up with someone who already had a boyfriend. Dorky to the point of owning entire star wars series and giving Yoda doll to girlfriend--enough said. Does not own a car and is driven around by his girlfriend! That is definitely a deal breaker, especially at 26 years old.

OMFG I really ought to say something about all this. This is disgusting. I am so embarassed about tonight, how my aunt paid for such an expensive dinner and he... sigh. WTF.

convocation: update

My friends' convocation pictures are surfacing, they all have friends and such pretty flowers. They look so happy. It makes me so sad...

fairy tales

I believe in fairy tales and Disney magic.

There once was a poor, beautiful girl who is kind, sings, and cleans like a mofo. She meets her handsome prince who rescues her with true love's kiss. They marry and live happily ever after. (And her enemies burn, fall and die.)

I can clean like a mofo, do I qualify for happily ever after?

convocation

So today was convocation. I have to admit that while I was happier to be there than expected, it was not at all happy and festive as it ought to be. Too early in the morning, no friends, painful shoes, thirsty... especially no friends. It makes me sad that the photos show how little fun I was having. As little as I cared it was still an important life event and now I will remember it until alzheimers kicks in. To be fair I was tired, thirsty, and hungry. That makes a person grumpy.

Of course some good did come out of it: for once my name was pronounced correctly! And I made Dean's List! Plus a friend cared enough to send flowers, and another wrote a card. That's so thoughtful I am almost ashamed of not having done the same for them.

Sigh. I need hugs.

Rotting

Welcome back. First post of the year. I remember shutting this down months ago, surely nobody noticed. I've done well, half a year has gone without me ranting on here about a single thing. Pat on the back for me!

But here I am, another stupid day in this stupid world. I hate it. Rotting away... I recall a time when I looked forward to graduating, as though something great was to follow and I would be free--from stinking Loo, dull topics and whatever else that was holding me back. Then I finished school, pranced around for a few months, and uhhh i'm back here moaning about life. How stupid is that. Where's all the great adventures and magical endings? Sure, they're around, but none for me.

On a brighter note the summer is finally getting hot. I no longer need pants. Rejoice! OH, and notice my new mood meter, I like.