tomorrow is my friend's birthday and i would really rather not talk about things better off forgotten but i want to get it off my chest.
more and more i am seeing the karma that is coming back to me. much of what i've done to this friend is now happening to me, and probably less harshly so. i can't help but know that i deserve it; and i am understanding why certain decisions were made, even though i wish they could be undone. i've also realized that injustice is a worse feeling than well deserved punishment; in that i take a sort of underserved comfort. Guilt is up there with injustice too... no comfort there, though. all this has been said, hasn't it?
it continues to surprise me how feelings can surface without warning, just when i thought i was beginning to be desensitized. perhaps certain decisions about continued contact should be made? that's what they tell me to do.
why am i blogging right now? because my ex is on his n-th date with his new, legit, acceptable, encourageable, unlike me, etc, love interest. they seem to be doing well. i hope they burn in hell. no, that was a joke. i wish them well, i really do. i can barely stand to say such a thing, and i can barely decide that's the way i think. but i am nice, or try to be, if nothing else.
hopefully, one day, that will be good enough for somebody.
on a much brighter note, a colleague gave me a dilly bar from DQ today! it made me happy. it was a poo on a stick, except it tasted better. not that i know what poo on a stick tastes like.
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Continued contact? You can't possibly believe that is a good idea.
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