Ending a relationship and watching my ex move on is a painful thing to do. I could have shut it out and never look him in the eye again, but I chose to be patient and force myself to internalize the facts. Maybe it's because I know I am not good at denial, maybe because I don't like to have enemies... maybe his accusation of me being an idealist was true, maybe I enjoy the experience of emotions too much. Probably, I want peace of mind. Probably, I want to heal completely so that I can love another just as much as I did the first (or more). There's something appealing about a pure, naive heart, unarmoured and unafraid. I wonder if it is possible to preserve such a condition beyond our youth...
Anyway, this process is taking a lot longer than I thought; and at the same time it seems quite quick. Nonetheless I consider it necessary. It'd be exciting to quote Darren Hayes, "It's been seven months and counting, you've moved on, I still feel exactly the same," but it wouldn't be true. I don't feel the same. There was a specific turning point in this plot and it was quite memorable. It's hard to describe but for a minute my mind was clear and I knew what I was and was not looking for. My ability to develop interest in others has returned, my worst fear is over! Jealousy remains though, it disgusts me how the mere mention of a name can be so foul, I must overcome this with alcohol, or rehab. Or time, that should do.
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